Playa's Pizzaridizzise

Yo, so like, me an' my cousin Vinnie (yeah, laugh it up. I'll tear ya fuckin' eyes out) went down to the party store the other night to pick up a coupla sixpacks a' Bud Ice (YES! I freakin' love some Bud Ice) and a porno. We was plannin' ta drink the beers and knock a few out, then head to bed sos we could get up for work in the morning, but wouldn't ya know it, some knuckleheads had ta try an' ruin our plans. Not a block away from the fuckin' store, these bozos come runnin' up to us an' starts askins us for some weed. Now do I look like the kinda fuckin' guy who smokes the dope? Shit. I gots ta keep up appearances for all the fly honeys that roams these streets. Plus Mr. Scalia, my foreman down at DiFiore Construction, would probably throw my ass out on the streets if I fails another drug test.

So anyway, as we're tellin' these gavones to takes a hike, my pops comes walkin' down the sidewalk. "Antonio," he says, "whaddaya doin' talkin' to a coupla goons like this? Didn't I teach ya no better than that? Get your ass back to the house!" Sos I heads back to the fuckin' house and spent the rest of the night playin' Madden on my PlayStation. Fuckin' assholes.

But the next day was way better - that skank bitch Allyssa from down the block an' me were at the club, an' that Usher song comes on (Usher's real good for gettin' the ladies wet. My pally Joey tried tellin' me once that Prince was the man for that shit, but I'm not abouts to be buyin' no fag music like Prince) and Allyssa starts screamin'. You'd a thought she was gettin' raped or summin from the sound of it, but turns out she just loves that song. So I was like, "Oh yeah, baby, that's my jams," an' I could tell from the way she looked at me that I was at least gonna get a hanner out of it. Sos I starts buyin' her drink after drink (she really likes Bud Ice too, which was awesome) and tellin' her don't she just look like a little Italian princess and hows abouts we get some fresh air an' shit. So we head out back an' before you know it, she's down on her knees in that dirty-ass parkin' lot suckin' me off. I was just about ready to pop when her stupid bitch friends bust out the door and see what's happenin', screamin' about don't she know better than to suck some guy off in the parkin' lot? Sos I'm like "Hey, go fuck yourselves," but Allyssa wasn't havin' none a'that, an' gets up and spits my dicksweat all in my face like I was askin' for it. Goddamn bitches.

But it wasn't half bad in the end, because I ended up hookin' up with her a coupla days later at the Italian Festival behind the beer tent. She let me fuck her in the ass an' everythin'. I think she thinks like we're together or summin' now, but I'm not abouts to be held down by just one ho, 'cause y'all knows I'm PLAYA PLAYA like that. But I dunno, she makes pretty good eggs an' shit. We'll see.

Alright, I gots ta bounce, 'cause I can hear my pops downstairs yellin' about how come I didn't mow the fuckin' lawn. Y'all takes it easy-easy, an' I'll be back again. Until then, keeps it PLAYA PLAYA fo' reals.

posted by Antonio "Hopscotch" Crescioni @ 10:06 PM 0 comments